Okay, if you’ve looked over at my sidebar under “Books I’ve Read in 2009” you know I have a thing for Vampire stories. Can’t help it. Always have.
Stephen King introduced me to Salem’s Lot and I’ve been hooked ever since. Shame on Stephen.
I read the Twilight series in no time, followed it with the Sookie Stackhouse True Blood novels, so much fun!
Now, I’m onto the UNDEAD series by Mary Janice Davidson and, believe me, she is a hoot. Anyone who can mix death with romance and make me laugh along the way is a horrifically talented author. I just love some of her phrases in the books. In fact, I had to read a couple of them OUT-LOUD to my husband because I thought they were so funny.
He is definitely not a FANpire like me, but even he smiled.
SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read on, if you are going to pick up the books and read them yourself. Oh…these aren’t big spoilers so you could still pick up the books and read them—and you won’t be disappointed. REALLY.
I love that the Spawn of Satan is a goody-good ‘cuz she wants to rebel against her parent. How funny is that? Pretty funny, if you ask me or if you're the parent of a teenager.
I love that “Elizabeth Taylor” is the Queen of the vampires – no relation to the movie star. ;)
I love that she (ET - no connection with the alien) gives us makeup advice – and she’s an undead woman. You'd think she'd have other things on her mind, I mean who cares that “you shouldn’t wear true black mascara because it makes your eyes look small and squinty.”
Maybe most women--that's all. And, now we know, even the undead care about makeup.
Or the fact that she talks about “…the holy grail of footgear.”
She even considers selling her soul for a pair.
She says, “Would I sell my soul for shoes? Of course not. The very idea was absurd. And the gleam of the garnets didn’t call to me, the very idea of selling my teeny little soul wasn’t a bargain at any . . . no!”
Now, I’ve never been a girl who was ever interested in clothing, handbags or footwear (maybe I was meant to be a boy—who knows, I mean give me a fast wakeboarding boat or…but I digress from the story) so I have to use my imagination a little—okay, maybe a lot, but I thought the idea of selling your soul for a pair of shoes, even if they were garnet heeled shoes, was hilarious.
Okay, I’m a little sick, I know. But, I thought this line was so funny:
“And a real”—the corners of his mouth turned down, as if he was contemplating a fresh dog turd instead of getting married—“wedding…would help you feel it?”
Maybe I thought that was so funny because when my husband asked me to get married—I got a little sick to my stomach. I had to lie down. Right there. On the floor. He was so excited. He wanted to call everyone and tell them. I said, “Hold on. I think I’m going to throw up.”
Okay, we’ve been VERY happily married for well over 26 years—so don’t make any assumptions here. I’m just saying it made me sick. The idea of getting married. It was just the commitment—I think. It Freaked me out—with a capital “F”.
I also loved the line:
“But I—I—” I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! “I love you.”
“Of course you do,” he said, totally unsurprised.
“What? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you’re all, “Yeah, I already got that memo’? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it’s hard to tell you things! I take it back.”
“You can’t take it back,” he said smugly.
“I do, too, take it back! And don’t you dare kiss me again!” I cried when he leaned forward. “Why do you have to be so annoying and smug all the time?”
“Because with you by my side, I can do anything.”
(I think these books are so funny—well apart from the vampire killings, those aren’t the funny parts)
But you should read them. They are page-turners for sure.
Here's a list of the one's I've already read:
Undead and Unwed
Undead and Unemployed
Undead and Unappreciated
So many books :) so little time :(
summer of sloth
6 hours ago