FRY..DAY FUNNIES

I don't know about you but, at the end of the week, I'm worn out. So, I could sure use a little laugh or at least a smile.

DISCLAIMER: Now, I have no idea if any of these are true. A friend sent them to me. But, maybe, they might make you smile and IMO that's a good way to start a weekend.

IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used the Sears repair service since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind
the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry,
But, “We only have iceberg lettuce.”

-- From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

Answer to Thought for Thursday

The food product to create the first consumer protection law was Beer. And, probably not for the reason you might have guessed.

It was in 1516 when the purity law of Bavaria mandated that beer could have only three ingredients: barley malt, hops and water. Those Bavarians were serious about their beer.

Thought for Thursday

Question: What food product's ingredients were the cause for the world's first consumer protection law?

Take a guess - put it in the comments then come back around 3:00 to see if you were right

Wednesday Wearables

My friend has started her own jewelry business and I thought I'd share it with all my cyber buddies. Check out Des' amazing gems and things here.

HIT A HOME RUN

“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice
on how to combine marriage and a career.” Gloria Steinem

Marriage and a career?

“Sheesh!”

That’s nothing. Try adding kids into the equation. Suddenly you’ll move from simple addition into the miraculous world of modern-day math, only this time you’ll be using the metric system.

Impossible.

Just ask any junior high teacher.

And, calling an Employed Mom a “working mother” is more than redundant—it’s an insult.

The sixties might have been celebrated as the bra-burning revolution but then why is Victoria’s Secret so popular today?

So, hooray for the flower-power season and three cheers for freedom!

Only I must be missing something.

I still feel like I’m chained to that never-ending chore called housework.

Maybe it’s because my Mom was way ahead of her time. In the sixties, she was raising 9 kids and running her own beauty business.

Mom was an original feminist - before the word was even invented. I just don’t know how she did it.

She’d have us up and ready for school—every day. All nine of us, wore clean clothes to class, came home to find a home-cooked dinner on the table, and could always count on finding food in the fridge.

I can’t begin to compete with her. There’s only one possible explanation: Mom must have been related to Samantha Stevens. Even now, nearly 50 years later, I’m thinking she had to be using some of that magic.

I’m supposed to be living in the New-Age, with the help of mechanical modern-day magic, I have an entire world-wide-web of technology right at my fingertips.

There’s only one problem.

I’m traveling down that information highway, at hyper-cyberspeed, while I'm supposed to be wearing high heels and looking sexy--forget it America! This isn't Fantasy Island.

Even using my cellphone, email, mapquest, and GPS, I’m still lost.

LIFE is a giant four-letter word: W.O.R.K.

But the real enemy of every Mom is T.I.M.E. and I have the evidence, written across my face. Just look at me, you can see that roadmap to the information highway etched across my face. I like to think of those little lines and wrinkles as a Mom’s badges—so forget the Botox baby. Wear those scars proudly.

I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing in life is ever free and women’s liberation came with a hefty price-tag.

Freedom isn’t free—it’s a lot of hard work.

And, we might have come a long way baby. But where the heck have we ended up?

Moms, today, just want to be it all—and do even more—for everyone.

I think about women—especially every M.O.M. who holds down an eight hour job and have to flip that word around to say W.O.W.!

Being a Mom is one occupation where none of the usual rules apply. What other job offers no training, has you on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no time-off or vacation – remember there’s not even a bathroom break from this occupation? And there’s no financial incentive of any kind to compel you into this career. You can’t even expect a paycheck, commission or bonus at the end of the month.

Yet educated people actually choose this career choice and, when they finally are initiated into the sisterhood of the traveling pants—it’s really the waistband that’s traveling not the lady inside them. But we all celebrate the onslaught of morning sickness, nightly trips to the toilet and stretch pants with a party, shared as a shower with a bunch of other women.

It’s an unfortunate reality that Dads are rarely divine and everyone is bound to make a few mistakes - which kids will point out for years to come.

You might think its funny one day, probably when the kids move out. And, Mom didn’t really have a magic wand because parents are simply people.

So, in this game, called raising kids there can be no bench players. And, if reality pitches a problem across your home plate, swing with your sense of humor - that way, you may not hit a Home Run but at least you’ll never strike out.

Writing is a Lot Like Knitting

I pull out my yarn (paper)
and knitting needles (pencil) and wrap the string (ideas) around the needles then I start to work the needles together in a smooth rhythm until a little fabric (story) is produced. I weave the material together(characters) until, bit by bit, something starts to take shape. It could be a sweater, a hat or even a story.

Sometimes something goes wrong, I drop a stitch or create a new one where one doesn't belong. Sometimes I even have to rip out some of the story, um, I mean sweater until I get back on track. And, I know, I can't just stop in the middle because I'm at the hard part. I have to keep on going, even when the going gets tough.

Finally, I exclaim "WAH-LAH" I've got a finished sweater, um, I mean story.

Is there anything in your life that reminds you of writing?

Springbreak, Monsters and Paris

Spring break!!! Yipee! So what did we do?

We drove up to Seattle to take Luke to SEATAC so he could hop on a flight to Paris. How is it that kids end up in Paris and parents end up driving 6 six hours to make sure everything goes okay?

Well me and my husband decided to make the best of the trip. In Tacoma we stopped at the Museum of Glass. One of the coolest things was the Kids Art Gallery. Kids under the age of 13 draw the art and then glass artists bring the art to life by creating the masterpieces. One of my favorites was this little monster:


Plus we watched the glass blowing and art making all in progress. It was a lot of fun.